Life seems so great at times, while things around you may be in a mess; your dog's pooing everywhere, the door knob maybe spoilt, the notebook refuses to startup, your house keys get lost. Life may be in such trouble and inconsistency, yet when you have your friends and that special person beside you, nothing seems to be able to knock you down. However, when that special person leaves you, no matter how well your dog can lick your boots, how nice of that automated door, how fast your notebook can run, you'll still feel that life is completely sucky, and nothing ever seems to go on right. Then you'll start to feel a headache, and you want to fall asleep, and never ever wake up again.

I wonder what happened.

Sometimes i wish i could have done better. In many things. Not only in work, studies, family. But many other things. I could have helped my friend open the door. I could have bought the drinks for my friends since their hands are full. I could have helped my mum watch the curry boil. I could have just agreed with my grandmother's old traditional methods. Why couldn't I have just done all these things.

I just don't know.

I always used to not bother about how other people think about me. But now I do. And I do care how you think about me. If life's just gonna be like that and take you away, I don't want it to happen. Not now, not tomorrow, not in this lifetime. Cos' I just want to let you know that I really loved you, more than anyone else in my life.

Nothing's gonna change.

The sun will still rise tomorrow. The rain will still fall downwards from the sky. The lights in the hdb flats will still get switched on at 7am. Nothing's gonna change, except your presence. I wish things hadn't became like that. I wish I had given much more. I just don't know how. I'm sorry.

It's a faithful day tomorrow. Cos' its the day that I'll be going to take my mathematics paper, CAEM. It's certificate of advanced engineering mathematics. It's alot of algebra and graphs. But generally there's also alot of numbers. So it's a fun module in general.

I've been working alot on my map alot lately, plus it's common test, plus I've got no mood at all, so I didn't post anything. Life's really sucky. I wonder if some special people can help me improve it.

Check out my map at www.geocities.com/kallieblakie. It's pretty stable already, and I've been distributing it.

I miss you. As much as I love you.

it's holidays! Just came back from TBC, was really fun, but there's too much slack around, and waiting. Majority of the people there were guys, showing how pathetic the enthusiasm of girls in ngee ann.

I've got several books date due. Damned. And I haven't finish a book in 3 weeks. That's really pathetic. Finding life getting more and more boring nowadays, that there's nothing much to post on blog anymore.

Nokia's having this new program that has the ability to read out sms-es, which is damned cool. However, it wouldn't work for people who types excessive letters or replacement letters, such as "I" typed as "iie", and "you" typed as "euu", and "go" typed as "qoo", and many other weird variations.

This holidays is going to be really short, and school begins. Feels really tired now.

Wonder if you know, if you really wanna know.

it's exams !

I've learnt some basic japanese. So here's my name.

りゅ

if you can't see it, install the asia language pack that came with your window's xp or vista.

わたしはあいしてる

went to meet alicia. She's damn pretty. But she's fierce and has an arrogant look. Walks around like a rich housewife-princess. Makes her kinda attractive in a way. But the day seemed bored and my mind wondered everywhere.

I went out with brenda last few days. Finally she kinda decided what to do for herself. Hope things goes well. Don't wish to see her upset again.

My parents came back from Genting; said it's damn fun and I should have gone. But I've also experienced many other things when I didn't go. Didn't regret it at all.
I've completed "Naruto, ultimate ninja heroes". I've unlocked all the characters and rose rank into hokkage. Games are getting kinda bored nowadays. I've almost done with my POTM wars. Just need people to test and make sure that map's good. Test the map till there's no fatal error.

www.geocities.com/kallieblakie

I want the love.

Just some interesting abbreviates.

adidas = all day I dream about sex
nike = naturally I kiss excellent
converse = controlling only nurtures very repulsive sex experience
puma = pussies underestimate my ability
reebok = return every entity before opposing kisses

I wonder what's on your mind. Give me mind reading.

The east side has many pretty girls! As compared to the west. Probably it's cos' I'm used to seeing them so much that they no longer look pretty to me. I must find a girl that can make me feel that she's attractive forever.

I'm currently taking a module called CADM. It's cool cos' you use the computer to draw out models of aircraft components. I think if I'm better at DotA, I'll be able to draw faster. Precision clicking makes you go faster, and be able to draw more perfect shapes. In this way, you spend less time correcting your mistake, and you can finish earlier, and earn 10 points for the time taken, allocated for speed.

LAY's chips are getting lousier. Don't buy them. I think calbee is getting better. Or japanese seaweed. Snacks are getting in such large varieties. Burns my tongue.

Look at me. Cos' I'm looking at you.

Sorry everyone for not posting after so long. Partly it's because I've got no mood, secondly is the internet connection. Recently the internet explorer loads damned slow, so I don't feel like blogging after that.

Life's been pretty bored. But I realise I keep myself concious for pretty much of the day. Sometimes when you daze, you just phase out of the world, thinking about something else. But this few days I've been concentrating alot on the real world. The hard concrete world we're now in.

Recently I saw quite alot of pretty girls loitering in my neighbourhood. Maybe it's now after exams, and the pretty girls arose from their nerdy school uniform. Maybe it's just me having stamps stuck on my eyes that I didn't really notice. But I don't know many people from my own neighbourhood, so it's might as well mean nothing. World's getting crowded.

I was also thinking about, why humans are the superior race in the animal kingdom. I came to the conclusion, that it is because of generation. Let me explain further:

For animals such as dogs and cats, forever remain as animals without further improvement. Such animals live based on instinct; they born to give birth and to live. They think about nothing but getting a mate and reproducing. However, humans are different. Although most humans have their natural animal instinct, they had gradually lost such an instinct. Humans are the only species that are born not to only reproduce, but to also improve lifestyle, and to do something meaningful during their 80 years of life. Some human species had lost their natural instinct and refuses to mate, or reproduce. Humans also invented products that harm their next generation. Such items are know as condoms or pills.

Another factor that makes humans so much more superior to other species is that humans have the ability to communicate. Our communication system is much much more sophisicated compared to other animals. Dogs, for example, communication through body movements. Ants communicates through their antenna. Humans, however, comunicate through hundreds of different ways, and which the most power is through speech. Languages invented by humans enable them to pass down knowledge from the previous generation to the next generation. Writings, and data are also recorded, methods that transmit data and information accurately to the next generation. No other animal can do this; which means they live based on their fixed jobs, their animal instinct, to only reproduce and ensure the existance of their species.

Sometimes I wish humans are a little less prominent. Life would be much more interesting, and much shorter, for people to cherish life.

Sorry, I'm just bad at girls.

Interesting link: http://icecap.us/index.php/go/joes-blog/comments_about_global_warming/

I cried.

It's a sunny day, and I went to play soccer with my schoolmates. The sun was high up and hot, clouds tearing apart from the blaze of the UV rays, striking us like lazer, burning up our skins and evaporating our sweat, leaving a trail of salt on the surface.

Alright, enough of composition style blogging. I was wondering about alot of stuff today. About the centre of gravity when you play soccer. Cos' it seems like it's always very hard for me to play well, yet I can do basketball much better. I suppose when soccer, we trip over the centriod very often, and as a result, we enter dynamically unstable equilibrium, thus causing us to fall down more easily. However, during a basketball game, we tend to shift ourself lower, and thus dynamic stability is achieved, and it would be harder to fall down. Although when jumping, the centroid shifts everywhere. Thanks to basketball shoes, humans can land pretty well, and during landing, the bending motion of the knees also assist in shifting the centroid downwards, and thus it would be more stable.

Thus I conclude that playing soccer makes you fall down easier than basketball.

You attract me. In and out. Cos' you're so interesting.

It's been a short day. Cos' I woke up late and there's not much time left to spend. Brenda hasn't called me, so I don't know when to get Melody from her. Then juan came to talk to me. Finally. But things always ends up damn bad. Hope things get better soon.

I'm using alot of my brain juices. Wonder if it will drain my brain power fast. Then I'll die earlier. Which will be damn cool. I take note of useless stuff and store them inside the head. Then these stuff will use up the ram in my head. Then I'll run out of ram and I'll hang. Then I'll become a vegetable. Then I'll feel nothing but floating in space, as thou I'm dead. Cool way to die uhs?

only when you're with me, I feel peace.

Was finally talking to pat. Seems like the idea was brought clearly forth enough. I'm simply not someone part of her life I guess. A friend that distant away.

The day was kinda boring. Gotta do more stuff to spice things up. Games and such makes me so bored. Books are tiresome to read. I wanna just die.

Hopes and dreams drive me forth,
Love or hate, I guess it's both.
I wonder what's wrong, what's bothering me.
Life's tiresome, too bored to live.


You don't like me, it's natural.
But I still wait, the painful feel.
What keeps me on, is pure loneliness.
I wish I can feel your heartfelt closeness.


Maybe it's fate, maybe it's luck.
I don't want to see you anymore.
Cos' it's painful, cos' it sucks.
Only if you would love me thee.


I dreamt of you, I think of you.
Every moment, every second.
Thinking of what I can do.
Something that would make you mine.


If only life's better,
And love's stronger.
But I know it won't come.
Your love won't come.

Life's getting more interesting with tougher stuff at school. At least we're finally learning something. For the first 3 weeks life's practically super slack. And now there's something more for me to play around with. I wonder what's with the sever imbalance between my course and the other courses around NP. Cos' even year 1s are chionging their project like crazy and we're practically DotA-ing every night. School should revamp their lecturers.

Juan's still pretty strained out. I don't know if it's exam stress or what. But she's always like that, and I can't understand her at all. Freaking hell. Monk-hood is still better.

I'll wait for you to love me.

My tummy aches like hell! The abdomen muscles are damned cramped, and they hurt like hell. I can't even sit straight, or walk properly. Why the hell hasn't it recover after so long. Maybe if i'm a wolf, it'll be better. I'll heal faster. Supposingly, read from novels. Then during full moon i'll go around killing people. Then there'll be lot's of blood and can be a vampire. Then it'll be a dhampire. So cool. Weekends had been bored, and I end my last tuition session on saturday. I'm officially out of job! Something is wrong between me and juan. Couldn't pin point where, but there's something wrong. Wonder if it'll ever resolve. I shall be a monk. Abdmintorphor. I wonder if you got it. Cos' you stopped replying me.

Went training today. Freaking tired out. Now I feel totally strength-less. Soft and fluffy feeling. Tired. Bored. Just die.

I feel like a piece of rotting-smelling-shit. Come grow on me, pretty flower.

"I'm so bored. I'll just die."

I heard this phrase from this show I'm watching. Depicts exactly what I'm feeling right now. In the show, the guy is an intellect, extremely clever and has really good friends. But he feels bored deep inside, and wants to die. I wonder if that's the life of an intellect, feeling too bored with life. I also noticed that he hasn't had a girlfriend. Maybe he couldn't find someone who loves him. I always believed that love makes someone un-bored. I guess he doesn't feel that way at that moment. I don't feel love at the moment too. Sometimes i wish humans hadn't evolved so much. Humans in the past are much more stupid than humans now. A species that is evolving so much, that it's kinda out of control. Such an evolution is actually undesirable. If the world is filled with people that knows how to use brains only, earth will crumble.

I read this book about The Change. It talks about earth being reverted back to the past, as all machinery becomes obslete and unfucntionable. Then people start to train their brawls and use bows and arrows and broadswords to fight. The storyline seems good, but the writer sucks so much that I gave up reading after the first few chapters.

I just feel like dying. Life's just so bored. Somehow, today I felt as if she has given me a definite answer. She just doesn't like me at all. I don't know what's the things that make people unable to fall in love with me. I don't know the ways that girls fall for, the things that they see that makes them feel attracted. I just suppose that my life is supposed to be this bored. So damn bored that I don't know what I can do with it. Maybe, in her heart I'm at least secondary. Maybe tertiary. Maybe not even in the hierachy. I wish I can hear her say it out loud. Cos' I want to know what she feels about me. And I don't know how to ask.

说你爱我。说你要和我一起走下去。I'll Just Die.

I just watched 'Secret', directed by Jay Chou. It's a really nice and touching movie. Sweet sweet 小雨 falls in love with Jay, who only exists 20 years later. And a touching story evolves that musical piece, Secret. I liked the way they talk to each other, and finally falls in love. Very natural, very sweet and fun. Throughout the show, I only wonder why hasn't any handphones been involved. Maybe it's featuring 1999 when handphones are still unavailable easily. But overall, it's a wonderful show. I wish love can be sweet, strong, and deep like this.

Spent this weekend in a rather bored way. Tired and sleepy always. Pat hasn't been replying my sms-es.. I wonder what happened. I'm all tired of life and felt damn sick of myself. Laziness kicks in always.

---------------

I just went off and chase for Brownie. He's a bad boy and ran out of the house. Lucky I caught him at the stairway; if not it'll be so far from home and he'll not know how to come back. Then there'll be no more Brownie.

I wish there's a goal in my life. Something more clear, more easily defined. Preferably someone with me, for me to strongly work with, and to work for, towards a goal that would bring that special someone with me a better life. Being alone makes me feel aimless, targetless, and undefined.

I wondered if you liked me.

It's the end of second week of school. The mood for studying is not back yet. Nowadays I'm wondering what I really want for life. The goal seems so far and blurry, and I don't know what it really is. Maybe if I can grasp as spiritual entitlement and watch what I want from my inner-mind. It's a theory someone said is possible. Let me elaborate.

This guy (dunno who) said something like this. Your eyes are the windows that allows you to see the world outside, and transmit data into ur brain via light waves, and then converted to electrical waves. The brain automatically processes it and tells you whether it's a dog or a computer. This is called the "concious brain". In the head itself, it is possible to place eyes within the mind, and look into the unconcious mind. Meaning, you create a screen inside your head, then look into it, trying to see things inside. You may see you previous girlfriend's birthday, or your dinner last night. For example, if you look at the top right corner of the screen; let's say it shows your primary school results. The bottom of the screen changes without you knowing it. So the screen you are viewing changes continuously and it is impossible to be certain what you are looking for, and look at the details. However, some people have this special capability, that's why some people have super memory.

I want you to love me.

I'm so tired. Wonder why I needed the extra hours of sleep nowadays. Maybe it's cos' I'm mentally tired already. School's not really fun, and slacking about. Maybe if there's more school work, then life will be more fun.

Was smsing the whole day. Long time since I smsed so much. But the person which I wanted to recieve from didn't really reply me much. Each sms from her was about 2 hours interval. *hais*

I played a few games of dota and walked around, slacked around. Felt like a total waste of time today. Darn.

If only you'll tell me how you feel; then I don't have to guess.

I hate weekends! It's so boring.

Brenda said she'll call me. Twice already. And she didn't call me back. But it's ok. Cos' I understand that she's busy with 2 guys who are super hot on her heels. So I'm like someone that she can look out for as a friend.

I'm posting lesser and lesser nowadays. Maybe I'm getting lazier. It's a bad trait of mine. Why can't I be a hardworking guy? Then maybe more girls will be attracted. Today someone told me about her being hetrosexual. It means that the person doesn't like people of the opposite sex, and not getting into relationships. It sounds damn cool, as if you're almost lesbian. I wonder if she went on to find the wording just to describe herself or it's that her vocab is good.

Andy's birthday was a blast. Went play pool, then walked around for dinner, then went to town for KTV at partyworld. We opened a bottle of martini. Tastes quite good, not too rough. But it's not entirely tasty too cos' it's darn expensive. Expected, from such a place. Then I went home first since I'm dead tired, and I walked really far to get the busstop. Noticed alot hookers around at that time too. Damn ugly ones with extremely good figure. That's more important for the patrons, right?

Missed you when you're not by my side. Missed your sweet smile as I look from the side.